I Deserve to Be Raped Again

A person who appears to be sad, looking upwards, standing outside.

Being sexually assaulted tin turn your globe upside-down.

It can also brand your mind buzz with questions: Why did they do that to me? Why now? Is it my fault? Was it actually rape? How am I meant to react? Should I tell people?

As a rape victim who'south done a lot of gender-based and anti-rape activism, I'yard often approached by survivors and victims who want answers to these questions.

And the question survivors and victims enquire me most often is whether they should report their rape.

Indeed, whether or not we should report our rape is a really catchy conundrum. On ane manus, we hope reporting rape will bring u.s. justice. On the other hand, nosotros often hear of survivors and victims existence re-traumatized past the reporting process.

Because there's a lack of constructive, true advice out there, and because I've struggled with this same question myself, I'm writing this commodity to help folks who are struggling with this difficult decision.

To analyze, this article is not meant to tell yous whether y'all should study your rape or non. That's your selection entirely.

Instead, it'southward going to offering some cogitating questions that will assistance you figure out if you want to report it.

It's important to remember that your decision is yours. No affair what your determination is, no matter how you determine, you deserve to be supported in making it.

So here are some questions to consider:

one. What Is the Reporting Procedure?

Earlier you lot decide whether you lot want to report your assail, y'all should have an idea of what the reporting process is like.

Are you reporting to the police, or to another authority similar a academy tribunal? What are the laws and policies surrounding assail?

Practice you have to provide medical evidence for your report to be taken further? Will you be cantankerous-examined? Is information technology possible to written report for statistical purposes without pursuing charges, if that'south something you want to do?

It's okay if you don't have answers to all of these questions right now, but yous tin try to find out.

Understanding the process ways you're better equipped to make a decision.

I've worked with a number of victims and survivors who didn't really understand the reporting process until they were in information technology. Some say that they wouldn't take reported their assault if they knew the truth. Others said they expected it to be way more complicated and lengthy.

Unfortunately, it's difficult to gather these facts, because this sort of information isn't always a quick Google away.

If you can't discover enough data on the process online, try to connect with NGOs, advancement groups and activists who could assist you.

ii. Are There NGOs in Your Expanse That Could Help You lot?

It's natural to feel discouraged from reporting if you lot don't feel like you have enough professional support.

Only if you look for back up, y'all might be pleasantly surprised past the amount of aid out there.

People often don't realize that at that place are many organizations, support groups and projects that work to back up survivors and victims of assail. They often do this by providing legal advice and counseling services.

If you'd like to report your rape but y'all feel unprepared, observe out if there'southward a local NGO or back up group and whether they can assist yous. They'll also exist able to provide you lot with specific information near the laws in your country or region.

If you don't know where to start looking, you tin can try calling a sexual assault hotline to find out if they know almost your area or tin connect you with an organization that does. You lot could as well search for a local corruption support agency here.

Fifty-fifty if you don't want to report, y'all could benefit greatly from their services, so I really encourage you to connect with them if you tin!

three. Practise You Accept an Adequate Support Network?

The support of NGOs and advocacy groups is great!

Merely I recommend creating a back up network, including more personal contacts, to provide you with company and compassion while you go through the reporting process.

I understand that you might exist afraid to tell your loved ones about your assault.

If your loved ones don't know how to support you, you can send them resource that will assistance them figure out how to do so. This can include links to helpful manufactures or phone numbers for anti-rape organizations.

And if people blatantly don't want to support you, information technology'due south okay to prepare boundaries with them – especially if they're blaming yous or doubting you.

For a back up network, you might desire to await beyond your immediate family and friends. Support groups might help you brand new friends.

You too might want to utilise social media to reach out to people who do advancement work, as they could assist y'all or direct y'all to someone you tin can.

Finding a support network is a adept mode to prepare yourself for the difficulties of reporting.

Whether you written report or non, support networks are super important. You're well-nigh to undergo a journeying of healing, and information technology's really hard to do it alone.

During stressful times, drawing on the healing power of customs can be absolutely essential.

4. What Event Practice You lot Want – And What Event Might Y'all Become?

I've been assaulted a few times, but I've only reported my attack one time – and that was to university authorities. I didn't want my perpetrator in jail.

This was for a few reasons. Firstly, I believe that the prison arrangement is a function of rape culture, non a cure for rape culture, and I didn't believe prison would rehabilitate him. Secondly, I felt like if he were jailed, he would exist out in a few years' fourth dimension. Either manner, information technology wouldn't help me.

So, while I completely empathize and support those who desire their perpetrators to be jailed, I realized that a positive outcome of the trial – that is, him existence jailed – wouldn't bring me whatever joy.

Mia, a rape survivor, says that if she thought this through before reporting, she wouldn't have reported.

"Simply once I was in the middle of the trial did I realize that I didn't know what I wanted," she said. "I reported out of a sense of duty, and I felt similar I had to do it… I didn't think near what outcome would satisfy me, if whatsoever consequence could."

Mia says that somewhen the trial felt really pointless, which worsened her depression and PTSD.

If you want your perpetrator to be convicted, ask yourself what the likelihood of that outcome is.

In some cases, at that place is plenty of testify confronting a perpetrator. In this case, go for it.

The unfortunate reality of our so-chosen justice system is that the conviction rate for rape is incredibly depression – and that'southward a reality you need to be prepared for.

This said, yous might want to report your assault even if there is a low risk of your perpetrator being convicted. This is entirely your choice, and I support it, just brand sure you're emotionally prepared for a negative issue, too.

5. How Will Reporting Affect Your Wellbeing?

In this situation, the well-nigh important person is the victim or survivor. You need to be your ain first priority.

Because of this, it'due south imperative that you think almost how reporting will affect all aspects of your life. If you predict that there might exist a negative touch on on you, attempt to gear up yourself for that by seeking back up.

Firstly, think about your emotional and psychological health. If you have pre-existing mental illnesses, the stress could aggravate your land.

It'due south important to seek assist – whether information technology's therapy, back up groups, medication or other forms of aid – during this time.

The truth is that reporting sexual assault takes a massive toll on you, whether you go through with a trial or not. It'south of import to consider whether you have the emotional chapters to handle it or not.

Please know that if yous don't have the emotional capacity to report your assault, information technology doesn't brand you weak, cowardly or any less valuable. It means you're listening to your torso's intuitive wisdom and taking care of your needs, which is wonderful.

Secondly, think well-nigh the fiscal impact of reporting. Volition reporting your rape and pursuing charges price you lot anything?

I don't necessarily mean in terms of direct costs such as lawyer'south bills. Will pursuing charges mean you lot have less time to work or report?

Sometimes, especially when sexual assail takes place within the family unit, nosotros are financially dependent on our perpetrators. This puts u.s. in an extremely difficult position. Richard*, a male rape survivor, told me that he had to figure out another program earlier he reported his rape.

"My uncle was my rapist. He was likewise the breadwinner of our family," Richard says. "When I first thought nearly reporting my rape, I realized having him in jail would leave my mother without a home. I sought help from a local organisation to make sure she was taken care of before I reported it."

Thirdly, think almost the upshot on your social life. Will reporting your assault hateful you lot're ostracized by your family or customs?

In that case, is it possible for you to find the support and compassion of others – peradventure a local community of activists, extended family members, online groups, or friends who support you?

***

My comments might make it seem like I'yard discouraging folks from reporting their assault. I'k definitely not trying to practice that, just the reality of our system is that it's actually hard to report sexual attack.

If information technology looks like I'one thousand saying that there are many reasons why people shouldn't study their rape, that's because the organization is designed to re-victimize and discourage us from seeking true justice.

This is all the more than reason why anti-rape activism and advocacy is really important.

If you decide not to written report, you might feel really demotivated. We're oftentimes shamed into reporting our rape: We're told we need to report our rape to prevent others from being hurt, and to heal.

I want y'all to know that the perpetrator doesn't accept to exist in jail for you to heal.

You don't have to report your rape to speak out about information technology, either – I've personally never gone through with pursuing charges, simply I'm however a vocal activist.

Possibly you've gone through all these questions and they propose you shouldn't study it, but you experience similar you want to practise so anyway. That's okay – it's your conclusion.

Maybe y'all have an immense support network, a slap-up deal of evidence to back up your report, and admission to legal resource. Despite this, you might decide not to report your rape. And one time again, that's okay, because information technology's your determination.

No matter what you decide, you deserve a lot of love and support.

* Not their real names.

Sian Ferguson is a Contributing Writer at Everyday Feminism and a queer, polyamorous, Southward African feminist who is currently studying towards a Bachelor of Arts majoring in English and Anthropology. Originally from Greatcoat Town, she now studies at Rhodes University in Grahamstown, where she works as vice-chair of the Gender Action Projection. She has been featured as a guest author on websites such as Women24 and Foxy Box, while also writing for her personal blog. Follow her on Twitter @sianfergs. Read her articles hither.

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Source: https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/07/should-i-report-my-rape/

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